[Tryin' to] Be thankful

 I tell myself, “Be thankful, Vanessa. Be thankful. Remember how lucky you are. Remember.”

*** humina huminaaaaah **

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BUT IT’S SO DAMN HARD!!! AAARRRRRGGGGG!

Why be thankful? How be thankful?? Rejection note after rejection letter, followed by complete non-responses… all the while submitting myself to this ultimately horribly not-good-for-the-self-esteem, personally draining and draining of all personal relationships process? Why or how should I placate myself with these thoughts?!

Well, I guess…

• I have my health
• I have my independence
• I have my guy, my love, my rock
• I have my family
• I have my friends
• I have economic stability (relatively, temporarily)
• I have food to fill my belly
• I have a roof over my head
• I have a second job, which  is not a career but I OH so love!

Wow. Let’s take a pause. That seems like a lot of “haves”. Must it always boil down to the ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’?? 

What about, I am?! Let’s think about this...

• I am strong
• I am healthy
• I am intelligent
• I am responsible
• I am DAMN hard working
• I am creative
• I am taking the necessary steps for making a better, brighter future – and not just for me – for all of life on EARTH! 

What else? I am so horribly wracked with the knowledge of what we are doing to our home. So much so, that I am willing to go through this ridiculous process rather than vying for a seemingly, more obvious government job.

And here’s another “am”. I am attending the Climate Reality Leadership Corps training this September (holy crap that’s like THIS month!!!) . On September 26, I head to Miami (yeah holy crapness -- that’s a city whose dwellers constitute an amazing amount of climate change deniers given the FACTS!!) 

And I am 60% of the way to my goal to getting there. (Apparently, some amazing, caring, loving people BELIVE IN ME!!! They've gotten me just 40% away from reaching a really important goal… all the way!!!) If you’d like to help push me into the 90th percentile, not only would that be awesome, it would feel awesome. The support from my friends, family and believers-in-me means the most – YOU are what makes my heart and perseverance surge on.

Love.